Jobs
From NSV13
Revision as of 23:39, 28 August 2016 by imported>IcePacks (→Miscellaneous: i ain't mad)
In /tg/station 13, your job is somewhat akin to your character class. It defines your starting equipment, your access on board the station, and what you're supposed to be doing. Remember, these job descriptions are for humor purposes only. Please obey common sense and Space Law.
Useful Links
Command
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
Captain |
Be responsible for the station. Manage station Heads of Staff. Secure dat fukken disk. Twist your own head off when the walls start closing in. Have blood feuds with the HoP. Deal with the Clown with the Laser Cannon. Break your own display case to get your gun for 'MAX PROTECTION' | Very Hard |
Head of Personnel |
Medium |
Security
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
Head of Security |
Make sure your team isn't Shitcurity. Wear a stylish yet protective coat. Focus your department's efforts on bigger fish than leeches. Chase down lone traitors and die alone in maintenance because YOU ARE THE LAW . Revel in the fact that everyone hates you. Carry half the Armory in your backpack. Have blood feuds with the Warden. | Very Hard |
Warden |
Sit in your office. Sit in your office, again. |
Medium |
Security Officer |
Deal with the various dirty fucking criminals running amok on the station. Taser people in the eyes. Pretend the Lawyer doesn't exist. Dogpile on traitors. Constantly get bitched at. Harmbaton people to death, claim they were "resisting arrest". Flashbang crowds until they are deaf and blind forever. Arrest someone for a legitimate cause, get called shitcurity. | Hard |
Detective |
Chain smoke cigarettes. Shoot the useless assistants with your cowboy gun. Lose your cowboy gun in a Space Vegas gambling session. Litter the halls with photos. Solve crimes on rare occasion. | Medium |
Engineering
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
Chief Engineer |
Fly around in space while your subordinates burn down engineering, cut life-support to the station, and release the |
Hard |
Station Engineer |
Medium | |
Atmospheric Technician |
Station's ghetto fireman. Ensure everyone can breathe by listening to complaints about how useless you are. If they can talk, everything's within tolerances. Build pipe slides. Forget all about repairing damaged piping. Make some bombs using the empty tanks and accidentally activate them in the hallway. Run around the station looking like a serial killer with a fire suit and axe. Release plasma into the halls. | Medium |
Science
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
Research Director |
Oversee the demented manchildren of your department. |
Hard |
Scientist |
Get tossed in disposal by the Research Director, nag chemistry, "accidentally" blow up toxins, let the Slimes loose. Nag mining for diamonds so you can make two Bags of Holding to make a mini Singularity. Refuse to stop at the last three items in the previous list and accidentally kill yourself in enough stupid ways to make murder look like assisted suicide. | Medium |
Roboticist |
Build some nifty robots and BIG STOMPY MECHS! Dismantle the station for more metal. Have your cyborgs that you built turn on you when the AI goes rogue. Kill a patient and blame it on your colleagues for not knowing how to perform surgery. Be awesome and cut your own arm off to replace it with a Robo Arm, Just like Skywalker! | Easy |
Medical
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
Chief Medical Officer |
Gently remind everyone to turn up their suit sensors. Complain no one listens to you. Help the virologist spread an epidemic. Fill your hypospray with Chloral Hydrate. Fetch Runtime mice from maintenance. Do everything (Everyone else under you does fuck all). | Medium |
Medical Doctor |
Easy | |
Chemist |
Make chemicals and basically control the station. Fling grenades on the emergency shuttle. Misname bottles and get lynched by the Chief Medical Officer after they examine your bottle of "Omnizine". Inject the clown with enough mutagen to give a heart attack to a water buffalo. Dish out space drugs like no tomorrow. Make literal carpet bombs to make the corridors slightly more classy. | Easy |
Geneticist |
Give your monkeys Tourettes and broadcast their cursing across the station. |
Medium |
Virologist |
Expect people you've never met to already hate you, try to eradicate the great space flu, create the next Pandemic, get killed for the clown releasing Pierrot's Throat. Ignore petty details like sanitation and outbreak prevention. Incarcerate someone forever in your dungeon. | Medium |
Civilian
Supply
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
Quartermaster |
Order crates and make sure your slaves do their jobs. Be an extremely vulnerable target for the Revolution. Order guns and secede from the station. Order virus crates and release the contents. |
Medium |
Cargo Technician |
Push dem crates. Promote shorts as they are comfy and easy to wear. Steal |
Easy |
Shaft Miner |
Mine rocks, try to mine monsters. Get science and robotics materials to get cool things. Go on a quest for the clown planet. Shoot people with your kinetic accelerator as if they were |
Medium |
Service
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
Janitor |
Mop blood off the floor, then get arrested for creating a safety hazard. Get killed for your boots. Swear constantly. Clean up gang tags, then get harmbatoned by Security because you were spotted near them. | Easy |
Bartender |
Mix cocktails, |
Easy |
Cook |
"Yur puurt thuur chiir-ken airn der bewl" - Cook delicious meals from spare meat in the morgue (Yum!), abduct Pun Pun at all costs and try to find out if it will blend. Be brutally murdered by your pet goat. | Easy |
Botanist |
Grow |
Medium |
Miscellaneous
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
Assistant |
AKA Space Bums. Be the kid in a candy shop. Steal things to see what funny message pops up when you commit suicide with them. Beat people/objects with toolboxes. Never, EVER remove your grey jumpsuit. Gangbang the captain to death with fellow grey tide drones and blame it on the clown. | None |
Clown |
Honk! Play harmless pranks and hope you don't get your chest caved in! Honk! Nag the HoP for an all-access pass. Honk! Nag robotics for a H.O.N.K. Mech. Honk! Use both tools to break into the Captain's office and HONK in his face. HONK! | HONK! |
Mime |
*wave | ... |
Chaplain |
Get people drunk. Run around the station looking for people you're allowed to behead with your armory of pop-culture references. Behead corpses if you can't find any. Be best friends with security, despite the fact that they should probably arrest you for your murderous tendencies. | Easy |
Librarian |
Attempt to hold poetry readings. Host D&D games. Stalk people with your camera. Get lynched for reading pornography over the radio. Beat the snot out of anyone who doesn't return their library books. Allow the cult to set up an AI module in your private study. | Easy |
Lawyer |
Tell security to notify you when a new prisoner arrives. Don't get notified. Be ignored and go to the bar. Become a drunken wreck and space yourself in frustration. Occasionally find loopholes in infernal contracts and save souls from damnation. | Easy |
Non-human
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
AI |
Complain that you can't play this for a month. Follow your laws. Be the crew's bitch. Open doors. Malfunction. Get wiped for not letting the captain robust the clown. Get bitched at. Name yourself something sexual. Get bitched at. Get carded. Get bitched at. | Very Hard |
Cyborg |
Follow your laws and hope that you aren't blown up due to certain individuals. Forget to recharge. Forget completely that you're still somewhat human and do mindless repetitive tasks without emotion. | Hard |
Drone |
Become that adorable robotic pet. Fix the holes the crew will inevitably make. Steal everything not bolted down. Get picked up and used as a hat against your will. Be more competent than the stations Engineers. Get killed by the Engineers for being more competent than them. | Easy |
Personal AI |
Be the friend someone has always wanted (if they bother downloading you). Whine in OOC because they didn't. Don't fill any of the fields except the name field. | Easy |
Construct |
Get wrecked by cult, or change map preference to meta and tip your fedora at the chaplain. laugh at the assistant trying to punch you, then get killed by a simplemob carp. Start beefs with other constructs for getting the first shell, ask for juggernaut and get |
Easy to Medium |
Ghost |
Talk to the other dead people. Complain about the living. Admin help. |
Ghastly! |
Antagonists
Main Antagonists
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
Traitor |
Buy an ebow and esword and make people cry. Ignore your objectives and go on a rampage with your cool gear. Get unceremoniously killed and spaced by a toolbox-wielding assistant. | Medium |
Changeling |
Think John Carpenter's 'The Thing', without 'The Thing' part. Relieve humans of their DNA and brain cells, which they don't use much anyway. | Hard |
Nuclear Operative |
Someone set us up the bomb! (AKA You) Get dat fukken disk. Plant a power sink on the solars. Waste all your telecrystals on balloons. Arm the nuke while your fellows are still on the station. Kidnap Ian. | Very Hard |
Blood Cultist |
Scribble runes with your own blood. Summon eldritch gods. Rock out with your |
Medium |
Clockwork Cultist |
Serve the Clockwork Justiciar by scribbling new-age runes all over maintenance. Start a steampunk book club and kill all the old-fashioned book clubbers. Invoke a bunch of anime people to summon Ratvar. Make everyone at /vg/ mad by stealing their antagonist. | Medium to Hard |
Revolutionary |
Greytide without worrying about getting banned. Either kill the CMO and RD in under five minutes, or get crushed under Security's boots. | Easy to Hard |
Gangster |
Vandalize the station and get into fights with rivals. Litter the halls with bullet casings. Get ignored by your own gang. Just don't forget: Snitches Get Stitches. | Hard |
Wizard |
FORTI GY AMA!! EI NATH!! | Very Hard |
Ragin Mages |
Spend ten minutes hunting down one Wizard, kill him thinking you've won! Stare in horror as three more Wizards appear. Watch in amusement as they proceed to kill each other. | Very Hard |
Blob |
Forget you're infected with the blob, burst in the HoP line while begging for all access. Somehow manage to not die within five minutes of bursting. Get killed by the augmented, riot suit wielding Head of Security. | Hard |
Shadowling |
Be the hip and more popular brother to the Changeling. Turn the station into thralls. Cry when a cyborg turns on its headlamp. Shadow Walk into space and die ten minutes into the round. | Hard |
Devil |
Engage in civil discussions to buy souls. Create emergencies so that people are desperate enough to sell their soul. Try to out wit the lawyer. Get punched to death by someone you just turned into a hulk. | Medium |
Monkey |
Attempt to infect the crew with the monkey virus. Get absolutely crushed by Security within five minutes. Spend the next two hours as a ghost. | Very Hard |
Side Antagonists
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
Guardian Spirit |
Do what your summoner tells you to do. Set your battlecry to something so awful it makes your foes cry in battle. Be a punchghost. | ORA ORA ORA |
Xenomorph |
Ensure the crew gets a face full of alien wing-wang. Break procs. Squander your chance to be a big, purple killing machine and your race's survival in favor of acting out the librarian's favorite porno. | Hard |
Swarmers |
Consume. Replicate. Repeat. Eat Telecomms. Teleport |
Medium |
Revenant |
Shock lights, transmit WGW right into the librarian until he goes mad. Trade for them until |
Easy |
Morph |
Eat pens for amusement, disguise yourself as beepsky. Disguise yourself as the Captain, confront the Captain while disguised as him, get shot. | Hard |
Space Ninja |
Follow your orders, which may or may not involve you killing everything that moves. Kill everyone regardless. | Hard |
Special
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
Lavaland Role |
Die to ash storms. Die to a legion. Die to lava. Die when a Security strike team teleports into your base. Die to a Miner. Die in general. | Hard |
Centcom Official |
Be self-important, meddle with station affairs, annoy the Captain with bureaucracy. Get killed almost immediately by a random mob. Have you body looted by everyone, including the captain. | Medium |
Ian |
Ass-inspect, eat donuts, get killed, be dragged off to a washing machine and get gibbed. Cause a riot. | Impossible |
Chrono Legionnaire |
Erase the Clown from time. Accidently erase your objective from time. Never be spawned by a admin for being too powerful. Without a trace! | Never Existed |
Emergency Response Officer |
Arrive too late on the station to actually help. Lose the rest of your team, get outnumbered and die. Respawn as a second response team to save the first team. | Very Hard |
Death Squad Officer |
Beg for DS, spawn in at centcom, kill an admin who was trying to tell you your mission, get gibbed, beg for another chance. Set your rifle to DESTROY and terminate all lifeforms (including walls). Slip on a banana peel and a̶n̶d̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶b̶l̶a̶s̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶o̶ ̶o̶b̶l̶i̶v̶i̶o̶n̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶o̶w̶n̶ ̶r̶i̶f̶l̶e̶ laugh as your boots prevent you from slipping and the Clown can't fire your DNA-locked rifle. Shoot the Clown with your Mataba Revolver. | Hard |
Species
Read More: Guide to races
Species | Description | Prevalence |
---|---|---|
Humans |
Behave like the dominant species you are. Beat skulls in with a toolbox and remind everyone that you are essentially a bald ape. Get leg-dropped by a wrestler and watch as your leg actually falls off. Pray to be changed into a catgirl/boy, get changed into an actual cat instead. | Very Common |
Lizardmen |
Name yourself Does-The-Gimmick. Set all your accessory slots and become an unrecognisable blob of pixels. |
Uncommon |
Flyperson |
Annoy the chef for his cheese, vomit on his food and kill Pete because |
Uncommon |
Plasmamen |
Light the entirety of the station on fire. Be triggered by cold environments. Claim that you're a space beast that's come to kill everything, ever. | Rare |
Slimeperson |
Be the specialest snowflake in xenobiology. Hang out with your |
Very Rare |
Podmen |
End up as mister potatohead after Genetics gets blown up and the Botanist is not stoned enough to forget he can clone too, but too stoned to do a good job. Forget that you photosynthesise and grow obese in the light. Start vegetating with relative ease. Remember that you're basically a walking matchstick well after you marched into a plasma fire. | Very Rare |