Difference between revisions of "Jobs"
From NSV13
Jump to navigationJump to searchimported>Kosmos m (Made texts with dark background white. Switched around some other colors too.) |
imported>Xhuis m (Changed chemist flavor text) |
||
Line 105: | Line 105: | ||
|- | |- | ||
![[File:Chemist.png|50px|link=Chemist]]<br>[[Chemist]] | ![[File:Chemist.png|50px|link=Chemist]]<br>[[Chemist]] | ||
− | |Make Chloral Hydrate and basically control the station. Fling grenades on the emergency shuttle. Make "candy pills" and refuse to shut up about them. Misname bottles and get lynched by the Chief Medical Officer after they examine your bottle of "Tricordrazine". Inject the clown with enough mutagen to give a heart attack to a water buffalo. Dish out space drugs like no tomorrow. | + | |<s>Make Chloral Hydrate and basically control the station</s> Be sad because chloral hydrate got nerfed. Fling grenades on the emergency shuttle. Make "candy pills" and refuse to shut up about them. Misname bottles and get lynched by the Chief Medical Officer after they examine your bottle of "Tricordrazine". Inject the clown with enough mutagen to give a heart attack to a water buffalo. Dish out space drugs like no tomorrow. |
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy | !<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy | ||
|- | |- |
Revision as of 22:59, 25 December 2014
In /tg/station 13, your job is somewhat akin to your character class. It defines your starting equipment, your access on board the station, and what you're supposed to be doing. Remember, these job descriptions are for humor purposes only. Please obey common sense and Space Law.
Useful Links
Command
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
Captain |
Be responsible for the station. Manage station Heads of Staff. Secure dat fukken disk. Twist your own head off when the walls start closing in. Have blood feuds with the HoP. | Very Hard |
Head of Personnel |
Medium |
Security
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
Head of Security |
Make sure your team isn't Shitcurity. Wear a stylish yet protective coat. Focus your department's efforts on bigger fish than leeches. Dogpile on traitors with the rest of the department while the rest of the station goes to hell, because YOU ARE THE LAW. Revel in the fact that everyone hates you. Have blood feuds with the Warden. | Very Hard |
Warden |
Sit in your office. Sit in your office, again. |
Hard |
Security Officer |
Deal with the various dirty fucking criminals running amok on the station. Taser people in the eyes. Pretend the lawyer doesn't exist. Dogpile on traitors. Constantly get bitched at. Harmbaton people to death, claim they were "resisting arrest". Arrest someone for a legitimate cause, get called shitcurity. | Very Hard |
Detective |
Chain smoke cigarettes. Shoot the useless assistants with your cowboy gun. Lose your cowboy gun in a Space Vegas gambling session. Litter the halls with photos. Solve crimes on rare occasion. | Medium |
Engineering
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
Chief Engineer |
Fly around in space while your Subordinates burn down engineering, cut life-support to the station, and release the singularity. | Hard |
Station Engineer |
Medium | |
Atmospheric Technician |
Station's ghetto fireman. Ensure everyone can breathe by listening to complaints about how useless you are. If they can talk, everything's within tolerances. Build pipe slides. Forget all about repairing damaged piping. Make some bombs using the empty tanks and accidentally activate them in the hallway. Run around the station looking like a serial killer with a fire suit and axe. Release plasma into the halls. | Medium |
Science
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
Research Director |
Oversee the demented manchildren of your department. |
Hard |
Scientist |
Get tossed in disposal by the Research Director, nag chemistry, "accidentally" blow up toxins, let the Slimes loose. Nag mining for diamonds so you can make two Bags of Holding to make a mini Singularity. Refuse to stop at the last three items in the previous list and accidentally kill yourself in enough stupid ways to make murder look like assisted suicide. | Medium |
Roboticist |
Build some nifty robots and BIG STOMPY MECHS! Dismantle the station for more metal. Have your cyborgs that you built turn on you when the AI goes rogue. Kill a patient and blame it on your colleagues for not knowing how to perform surgery. | Easy |
Medical
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
Chief Medical Officer |
Complain no one listens to you. Help the virologist spread an epidemic. Fill your hypospray with Chloral Hydrate. Fetch Runtime mice from maintenance. Do everything (Everyone else under you does fuck all). | Medium |
Medical Doctor |
Easy | |
Chemist |
Easy | |
Geneticist |
Give your monkeys Tourettes and broadcast their cursing across the station. |
Medium |
Virologist |
Expect people you've never met to already hate you, try to eradicate the great space flu, create the next Pandemic, get killed for the clown releasing Pierrot's Throat. Ignore petty details like sanitation and outbreak prevention. Incarcerate someone forever in your dungeon. | Medium |
Civilian
Supply
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
Quartermaster |
Order crates and make sure your slaves do their jobs. Be an extremely vulnerable target for the Revolution. Order guns and secede from the station. Order virus crates and release the contents. |
Medium |
Cargo Technician |
Push dem crates. Promote shorts as they are comfy and easy to wear. Steal |
Easy |
Shaft Miner |
Mine rocks, try to mine monsters. Get science and robotics materials to get cool things. Go on a quest for the clown planet. Hit people with the pickaxe as if they were |
Medium |
Service
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
Janitor |
Mop blood off the floor, then get arrested for creating a safety hazard. Get killed for your boots. Swear constantly. | Easy |
Bartender |
Mix cocktails, |
Easy |
Chef |
"Yur puurt thuur chiir-ken airn der bewl" - Cook delicious meals from spare meat in the morgue (Yum!), abduct Pun Pun at all costs and try to find out if it will blend. Be brutally murdered by your pet goat. | Easy |
Botanist |
Grow |
Medium |
Miscellaneous
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
Assistant |
AKA Space Bums. Be the kid in a candy shop. Steal things to see what funny message pops up when you commit suicide with them. Beat people/objects with toolboxes. Never, EVER remove your grey jumpsuit. Gangbang the captain to death with fellow grey tide drones and blame it on the clown. | None |
Clown |
Honk! Play harmless pranks and hope you don't get your chest caved in! Honk! Nag the HoP for an all-access pass. Honk! Nag robotics for a H.O.N.K. Mech. Honk! Use both tools to break into the Captain's office and HONK in his face. HONK! | HONK! |
Mime |
... [Provide oh so sophisticated entertainment for the crew.] | ... |
Chaplain |
Drink your holy water. Preach your religion with your all-healing bible. Drink more holy water. Attempt to hold weddings and funerals. Make people retarded with your all-healing bible. Pretend to listen. Pray to the almighty |
Easy |
Librarian |
Attempt to hold poetry readings. Host D&D games. Stalk people with your camera. Get lynched for reading pornography over the radio. Beat the snot out of anyone who doesn't return their library books. Allow the cult to set up an AI module in your private study. | Easy |
Lawyer |
Tell security to notify you when a new prisoner arrives. Don't get notified. Be ignored and go to the bar. Become a drunken wreck and space yourself in frustration. | Easy |
Non-human
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
AI |
Complain that you can't play this for a month. Follow your laws. Be the crew's bitch. Open doors. Malfunction. Get wiped for not letting the captain robust the clown. Spam voxtest2. Get bitched at. Name yourself something sexual. Get bitched at. Get carded. Get bitched at. | Very Hard |
Cyborg |
Follow your laws and hope that you aren't blown up due to certain individuals. Forget to recharge. Forget completely that you're still somewhat human and do mindless repetitive tasks without emotion. | Hard |
Drone |
Become that adorable robotic pet. Fix the holes the crew will inevitably make. Steal everything not bolted down. Swarm the bar with your fellow Drones to put out a plasma fire. Be more competent than the stations Engineers. Get killed by the Engineers for being more competent than them. | Easy |
Personal AI |
Be the friend someone has always wanted (if they bother downloading you). Whine in OOC because they didn't. Don't fill any of the fields except the name field. | Easy |
Construct |
Obey your master, who is either worshiping Narsie or something worse. | Medium |
Ghost |
Talk to the other dead people. Complain about the living. Admin help. Omnighost. Watch ERP. Beg the admin to deploy a space ninja. | Ghastly! |
Antagonist
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
Traitor |
Buy an ebow and esword and make people cry. Ignore your objectives and go on a rampage with your cool gear. Get unceremoniously killed and spaced by a toolbox-wielding assistant. | Medium |
Cultist |
Scribble runes. Summon eldritch gods. Rock out with your |
Medium |
Changeling |
Think John Carpenter's 'The Thing', without 'The Thing' part. Relieve humans of their DNA and brain cells, which they don't use much anyway. | Hard |
Nuclear Operative |
Someone set us up the bomb! (AKA You) Get dat fukken disk. Plant a power sink on the solars. Waste all your telecrystals on balloons. Arm the nuke while your fellows are still on the station. Kidnap Ian. | Very Hard |
Revolutionary |
Revolt against the Command Staff. Turn all thirty assistants in tool storage into revolutionaries in under thirty seconds. Either kill the CMO and RD in under five minutes, or get crushed under Security's boots. | Easy to Hard |
Wizard |
FORTI GY AMA!! EI NATH!! | Very Hard |
Xenomorph |
Ensure the crew gets a face full of alien wing-wang. Break procs. Squander your chance to be a big, purple killing machine and your race's survival in favor of acting out the librarian's favorite porno. | Hard |
Blob |
Forget you're infected with the blob, burst in the HoP line while begging for all access. Somehow manage to not die within five minutes of bursting. Get killed by the augmented, riot suit wielding Head of Security. | Hard |
Monkey |
Attempt to infect the crew with the monkey virus. Get absolutely crushed by Security within five minutes. Spend the next two hours as a ghost. | Very Hard |
Space Ninja |
Follow your orders, which may or may not involve you killing everything that moves, proceed to kill everyone anyway. | Hard |
Special
Job | Role | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
Centcom Official |
Be self-important, meddle with station affairs, annoy the Captain with bureaucracy. | Medium |
Death Squad Officer |
Terminate all lifeforms, erase all evidence. | Hard |
Ian |
Ass-inspect, eat donuts, get killed, be dragged off to a washing machine and get gibbed. Cause a riot. | Impossible |