Cards Against Spess

Found in the curator's vending machine and in the scrapheap and bar emergency shuttles. Useful for wasting time as an assistant. Also, did I mention you have to be a serious loser to play a card game in a video game?

Black Cards

Today, Security killed ____.
Security, the clown's breaking into ____.
The Chaplain is worshiping the Church of _____.
What angered the gods this time?
Why didn't engineering set up the singularity?
What does the traitor steal this time?
Cargo: There's a galaxy-wide shortage of _______.
I don't care what they called me back on the station, I'm not a traitor. I'm a man of _________.
The Syndicate is offering crew members _________ to defect. 
Cargo ordered a crate full of _____.
What is the gray tide protesting this time?
If the Space Gods didn't want _________ they wouldn't have given us __________.
Why was the death squad sent in?
Current Active Laws: ________ is the only human.
Today, science found an anomaly that made people ____ and ____.
______ has been detected on a collision course with the station.
Today's kitchen menu includes _____ stuffed with _____.
What's the Captain's fetish?
___________: more robust than a toolbox to the head!
________ is the crew's friend. Would you abandon a friend?
_______ tastes good like a ________ should.
How did the detective conduct a successful interrogation?
New in syndicate uplinks: __________!
NanoTrasen's labor union decided to use _______ to raise employee morale.
The Chemist's drug of choice is ______
According to space law, ________ is now punishable by ______.
________ is why I'm afraid of maintenance.
________ is the most robust person on the station.
What made the nuclear operatives fluke?
Why did the Chief Engineer disable comms?
Every spaceman receives an internals box and ________.
What brought the space orgy to a grinding halt?
Scientists are no longer allowed to make  _____.
What was the clown's best joke?
The HoP is now hiring assistants for __________.
What happens when you emag an emag?
Our gang doesn't wear uniforms. Our gang wears ___________.
No matter how many lizards you have, _____ is never acceptable.
No, the AI's second law is NOT to serve _____.
First CentComm came for the ________. Now they're coming for the __________.
The borgs are not slaves for your _____.
You can never have too many _____ on the station.
Why can't I find a space relationship?
The assistants gathered around the brig, with toolboxes and ___________.
Confirmed outbreak of _____ aboard the station.
The AI was horrified to discover security was executing prisoners via ________.
Attention crew: the word _____ is now a punishable offense.
The chemist cackled as he labeled ________ pills as __________.
The Space Wizard Federation has regrettably begun to summon _____.
Who's the real seat of power on the station?
__________ was called into the Captain's office because of ______.
Deep in the heart of the derelict lies ________.
My lizard name is _____-And-_____.
What can solve any station crisis?
The traitorous atmos tech slowly replaced the station's air with ________.
_______ and _______ were found together in the dorms.
What's the Syndicate's real beef with Nanotrasen?
What finally killed the Head of Security?
Code Delta: __________ has escaped containment!
The rogue virologist released a disease with symptoms of __________ and ______.
How do you drive an assistant to suicide? 
With no chef on board, the crew was reduced to eating ________.
Why was the emergency shuttle called?
In the future, all ERP will involve ____________.
Law 2 is not to be used for __________!
What really goes on in the Prisoner Transfer Center?
What will get you bluespace artilleried every time?
This isn't omnizine, it's _________!
What's stopping the Space Station 13 remake?
When they make a movie about Space Station 13, they better include________.
What's the worst thing an abductor can give you?
One day while Andy was __________, Woody got _________.
A good engineer always carries ________.
I'm not a space bigot, I just hate _________.
Why is the station so filthy?
THE SHUTTLE CANNOT BE CALLED BECAUSE OF ________ ON THE STATION.
After murdering dozens, the traitor was finally brought down by _________.
The curator has read a lot of porn, but never about _____________!
Oh god! There's ________________ outside escape!
The hottest new space couple is ________ and __________.
Lord Singulo hungers for _______.
That was the last time security used ________ to subdue __________.
What did the ERT find upon arriving on station?
The bartender's newest recipe: a drink made with _____ and _____.
SECURITY! Cargo's ordering 20 crates of ________!
On the nearly empty station, all that could be heard were the sounds of __________.
I cannot comply with that order, meatbag. My _____ module is malfunctioning.
_______ was thrown out the airlock after ___________.
Real men accomplish their objectives by _________.
How did I pass the time during a slow shift?
Why did the lizard cross the road?
Space lag is primarily caused by ___________.
Back in my day, we had to clone people with ________.
What's the worst thing a wizard can summon?
What is the rarest substance known to Nanotrasen?
The chaplain stopped performing marriages after seeing ___________.
The gods were too busy with _______ to respond to _______.
The Roboticist was fired after naming the borgs ______ and _________.
What's funnier than a dead clown?
What made the mime speak?
How do you get an assistant to assist?
What was I last brigged for?
Why does Security no longer use the gulag?
Old versions of Space Law used to authorize __________.
Our new state-of-the-art station shield is made entirely of ________.
What's the most terrifying thing about Lavaland?
Listen. Recent _______ on this station left me very disappointed, OK?
The auxiliary base was disabled after landing in the middle of _______.
Xenobiologists have found slimes to be exceptionally responsive to _______.
Why did the captain give me a medal?
The curator's new exhibit is devoted solely to _________.
There's no ______ on the new escape shuttle, but there is plenty of _________!
What made me sell my soul to the devil?

White Cards

Those motherfucking carp.
Having sex in the maintenance tunnels.
Space 'Nam.
Space lesbians.
Space Hitler.
Space Asshole.
Ragin' mages.
Very ragin' bullshit mages.
Tunnel clowns.
Corgi puppies!
A loose cannon detective.
Mime porn.
That fukken disk.
G-g-g-ghosts!
A PDA shaped like a set of breasts.
Woody-chan.
Meaty ores.
Yet another explosion in Toxins.
The Captain thinking they're a badass.
Ahhhhhhperatives.
Mech bumper cars.
Purrbation.
Baymed.
Being in a cult.
Racially biased lawsets.
Abusing Law 2 to get laid.
Harm, a small rural town in Germany.
Xeno fetishists.
Running naked through a plasma fire.
Gibtonite.
A backpack full of mousetraps.
The death squad.
Kitty ears.
An immovable rod.
Her smuggler's satchel.
Ian and Lisa fucking like rabbits.
A Chief Engineer who can't set up the engine.
Being sucked out into space.
A whole bunch of spiders in a SWAT suit.
Getting robusted with a toolbox.
Officer Beepsky.
Lying to the AI about human harm.
The grey tide.
ASS BLAST USA.
The mechanics of plasmaman sex.
Lavaland.
Chainsaws for hands.
Photocopies of the entire crew's asses.
Venus human traps.
Clown's Tears.
Walking mushroom cockfights.
Improper comdom use.
Greentext.
Coating the whole station in blood.
Cock cultists.
Defusing a syndicate bomb with another bomb.
Going braindead mid-murder.
A petsplosion.
Meat spikes.
Collecting the crew's brains.
Lopping off the Captain's johnson and shooting it out a pneumatic cannon.
The secret monkey technique.
Putting the pAI's doorjack where it don't belong.
Chemical sprayers filled with lube.
Curators.
Spooky skeletons.
Replicating the Milgram experiment with an electropack.
Catgirls.
An escape pod cuddle puddle.
Code Delta.
Supermatter undergarments.
A permaban.
Stealing all the miners' ore.
Bluespace artillery.
Poly reading porn over the radio again.
Mining the shaft.
Grab intent.
A blob zombie with an erection.
Backdoor Xeno Babes.
Five hundred ice spiders.
Cablecuffs.
Hulk, TK and X-Ray.
Paranoia.
Putting the boots to him, medium style.
ERP-seeking meteors.
Paperwork HoPs.
A sexy clown.
Rampant vending machines.
The prisoner transfer center.
Nations.
Using a supermatter shard as a dildo.
Liquid gibs.
Birdboat Station.
Not rolling antag.
Clusterbangs.
Flashing.
Space vine tentacles.
Pizza delivery ops.
Inviting all the lizards onto the holodeck for a party.
A used corgi suit.
Saxing.
Carbon dioxide.
Actually playing Cards Against Spess.
Warm donk pockets.
Fucking your own cloned body.
MULEbot manslaughter.
Hiding in a locker like a little bitch.
Tabling.
Gyrating slimes.
A motherfucking sorcerer.
Ash storms.
Telescience.
Nuke ops buying nothing but soap.
Anatomically correct borgs.
The dixel.
Friendly neighborhood death squads.
Rage cages.
Lore that no one will read.
A robust mongoloid.
A subverted service borg.
An obscene amount of bike horns.
Space bear meat.
Erotic roleplay.
Chain-recalling the shuttle.
Mailing the clown to singularity containment.
A mime having a stroke.
A muthafuckin' Uzi.
Ian and the HoP.
Force-feeding prisoners other prisoners' gibs.
Assistants raiding the armory.
A monkey coup d'etat.
Brain cakes.
Suiciding with a fedora.
A MULEbot drag race.
Automatons.
Six max-cap bombs.
Forgetting you're a traitor.
Itching powder.
Some overpowered bullshit.
Griff.
Ash drakes.
A fascist captain.
FREE DRONE.
Memes.
Warm, velvety lizard sex.
Valid salad.
Heavy roleplay.
Never setting your goddamn suit sensors.
An MMI floating helplessly through space.
A tiny prick.
Immulsions.
100 potency bluespace bananas.
The crotchety IBM piece of shit you're supposed to call an AI.
An irritatingly chipper borg.
The lizard fuckpile.
Fat sprites.
The throbbing erection that the HoS gets at the thought of shooting something.
Trying to stab someone and hugging them instead.
Buttbots.
Murderboners.
The spread-eagled Honkmother.
A disposal loop full of corpses.
Assistant-on-assistant violence.
The mystery of atmos.
PDA sexting.
A cult rune drawn with menstrual blood.
Magic missile spam.
Double dongs.
A ghost-powered Ouija board.
A MILF AI.
Shapely lizard tails.
An unknown assistant with a gas mask, yellow gloves and toolbelt.
Exile implanting all the lizards.
Fluke ops.
Two doctors 69ing in the surgery room.
A double-bladed energy sword, noslips, thermals, ablative armor, adrenal implants and a healing virus.
Space Ebola.
Grammatically incorrect lizard names.
Porn ops.
A trial for once.
Trading your TC for memes.
Uranium tiles.
An extremely obese European man being chestbursted.
Horrific cloning accidents.
A big, black shadowling dick.
Emagging. 
Dead lizard storage.
Dermal armor.
Energy balls.
Fisting somebody until they gib.
Alternate uses for defibrillator paddles.
Breaking spacetime with thousands of bluespace tomatoes.
Licking the supermatter on a dare.
Reagent farts.
Doctor's Delight.
Plasmaman strippers.
A Quartermaster who WON'T STOP ordering guns.
Space lag.
Polishing the captain's laser rifle.
That one asshole double agent.
A surprise visit from Nanotrasen's CEO.
The bleeding, dismembered, beautiful corpse of the clown.
A glass of ...what?
Teaching a silicon the Birds and the Bees.
Dropping the permabrig soap.
The king of the rumba beat.
Unnecessary surgery.
Farting in the air distro loop.
Krokodil addiction.
A H.O.N.K. mech.	
A dominatrix HoS.
Sexcurity.
The Experimentor.
That goddamn fucking mime.
Actually taking a hostage instead of just murdering them.
Spacing the clown at shift start.
A rage suicide.
The Warden furiously masturbating to the prison monitor.
Welderbombing.
Validhunting.
Nar'Sie making love to Lord Singulo.
Fun.
Crashing the stock market.
HONK!
Enough morphine to put the entire station down.
A defective comdom.
Cleanbot.
A beaker of dried space carp penis.
An Ian storm.
voxtest2.
Nuking it from orbit.
My senpAI.
Harmbatonning.
A Nanotrasen D-Notice.
TALKING MIMES.
The lusty xenomorph maid,
Using assistants as human shields.
Sentient securitrons.
Piloting the station into the nearest sun.
Decorative C4.
Lizard rights.
A universal recorder endlessly reciting porn.
The suicide HoPline.
Cultism.
A corgi orgy.
Medbay stutterwhores.
The scrubbers uncontrollably spewing cum.
The lawyer's job.
Emoting slowly drawing a gun, then slowly cocking the trigger, then slowly preparing to shoot...
NAR-SIE HAS RISEN.
Pierrot's Throat.
A clown bomb.
Space bees?
The entire engineering team having unprotected group sex.
IC in OOC.
The best cookie.
The wizard with his staff inserted into his anus.
The chef masturbating with a bowl of lukewarm spaghetti.
Writing out Woody's Got Wood in crayon.
Dismemberment.
Begging the gods for free stuff.
Whining to the gods after getting robusted.
Committing sudoku.
A blood-soaked clown popping out of a morgue tray.
SS13's toxic community.
Wheelchair Ian.
An actually helpful assistant.
Mindbreaker toxin.
Legions of cyborg assholes.
Homicidal chefs.
Extended.
Grammar fascist gods. 
Cortical borers.
A masochist in an ash storm.
Draconic.
Riding borgs, cowgirl style.
The Voice of God.
Overpowered stuns.
Unironically reading library smut.
Spiritual journeys with BZ.
Freon.
Deep-fried body parts.
Suit sensor unit gas chambers.
Moonlighting.
Sex inside a mech.
The philosophical complications of Asimov.
A changeling monkeying itself mid-coitus.
Swarmers.
A fully-dressed CMO.
The hardworking engineer.
Skewium-induced orgasm.
A salt overdose.
Mindswap.
Potassium in the toilet bowls.
Giving head to the heads.
A lizard wearing cat ears.